Oliver Anthony continues to surprise his fans. After turning down offers of as much as $8 million for a recording deal, the meager farmer from South of Richmond accepted an offer to play the National Anthem at next year’s Super Bowl.

There’s just one catch: he’s not taking any money.

“It’s a dealbreaker,” said Anthony, “I can’t in good conscience charge anyone to play our nation’s greatest song. I’ll only play it for free.”

Super Bowl Entertainment Director says he’s not surprised, as the fee is typically a gesture to the big names they’re used to. “This guy hasn’t signed anything with anyone, though,” he said, “that makes the gesture a bit more special.” It certainly does.
We spoke with some of the folks in Anthony’s area, and they’re all delighted at his newfound success. We waded through the line at the local food bank for 7 hours and were able to bum like a dozen smokes, three pot brownies, and a little can of that potted meat stuff. Finally we spoke with someone who seemed to have her finger on the pulse of the situation.

“We could have used the money,” said Food Bank Supervisor Tara Newhole, “I guess he forgot who he was singing about. What they don’t tell you is that he did accept the round-trip airfare, luxury accommodations, limo service, and a $1,500 per day cash stipend for a week to sing for three minutes. But sure. He’s great. Maybe he’ll bring some fudge rounds back for the fat people.”

Oliver Anthony seems like the type who would definitely do that. God bless him. And God bless America.